Goodbye
by Princess Diana of the FAYZ
Summary: Beastboy and Terra are getting married. Raven says goodbye to the man she loves. Pairings: BBRae and BBTerra (if it wasn't already obvious) Yeah... I suck at titles and summaries


**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans (obviously) otherwise BBRae would be canon.**

**Pairing(s): BBRae, BBTerra**

* * *

**Goodbye**

The bride was so beautiful.

Raven knew that she should have been feeling envy at that moment. If it had been the her from ten years ago, her dark powers would have blown something up by now. But she wasn't the girl she was then. She had buried her emotions carefully and effectively beneath layers and layers of mental barriers. Her emoticlones no longer wondered freely through Nevermore.

Not since that incident.

Terra walked down the aisle, her white veil covering her doubtlessly perfect face. Her blonde hair, instead of being tied up in the traditional bridal do, was curled and cascaded beautifully down her back. The train of her wedding dress flowed gracefully behind her, which was quite a feat, considering everyone knew Terra was a bit of a tomboy.

'That could have been us.'

Love's voice, though small and weak now, could still be heard occasionally. She was Raven's strongest emotion, and even after burying her within the deepest, darkest depths of Nevermore, Love refused to be silenced completely. That was alright though. Over the years, Raven had gotten used to hearing her muted voice. She was too weakened to do any substantial damage anyway, so Raven had let her be.

'You still remember how it felt to love.'

Raven did remember, intellectually, how it had felt, but she could not comprehend it emotionally, at least not anymore. She remembered the warmth in her cheeks whenever he complimented her or tried to get her to laugh. She remembered the spark she had felt when they held hands. She remembered complete euphoria the first time he had asked her out, and she remembered fighting not to let it show on her face. But right now, those memories of feelings could not stir even the slightest of emotion within her. She was empty.

As she watched Terra stride down the aisle, her figure perfect and her posture confident, Raven felt nothing. She felt nothing as she bore witness to the union between the woman she had once hated with a burning passion and the man she had once loved just as passionately. There was not even the slightest twitch of her heartstrings as smooth beige skin touched green, when the bride and the groom melted into each other and kissed like they were the only two people in the world.

Her mind understood that this was something she had once wanted for herself, something she had given up for the very reason she had wanted it.

Because she loved him.

She had once been so deeply in love with him that she was willing to stop loving him to keep him safe. She had buried Love in Nevermore, bit by bit, adding more and more layers to drown out her voice. But Raven's other emoticlones protested strongly to their master's actions, and as they became more and more of a distraction, Raven had eventually resorted to burying them as well.

Now she was empty.

Emotionless.

'Not quite.'

Love's wistful voice served to remind Raven that she had not completely succeeded in purging herself of her emotions.

She felt a sudden surge of pain, followed by guilt and regret. The sudden intensity of those unexpected emotions threw her off guard and she inhaled a sharp intake of air in surprise.

Why?

Raven closed her eyes and delved into her mindscape, searching for the source of such strong emotions. It took her but a moment to find it and another to realize that it was not her own emotions she was feeling. She must have accidentally opened up her empathy.

Raven's eyelids fluttered open, her amethyst irises meeting his emerald ones.

Beastboy.

His emotions puzzled her. Raven did not know that much about weddings, but she was under the general impression that for most people it was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives. It was the day when two separate people who loved each other dearly became one, joined together in holy matrimony. So why were there such intense negative feelings emanating from him just a moment ago.

'He was looking at us,' Love pointed out meekly.

Raven mentally scoffed at that.

'He is marrying Terra today. There can be no reason to assume he still has feelings for me,' she shot back at her emoticlone.

'Have you forgotten that you were the one who pushed him away? Just because he did what you wanted, or rather what you convinced yourself you wanted, does not necessarily mean he has come to terms with it,' Love rebutted.

'And I think you have forgotten that I almost killed him. I stopped loving him for his own good.'

'Of course I did not forget!' Love retorted, her normally weak voice seeming to gain some strength as she sounded almost indignant, 'I was horrified to know that we could do that to him. That we were even capable of such…'

Love paused, reluctant to continue that train of thought.

'But Raven, we never stopped loving him. We never could. My mere existence is proof of that,' the emoticlone said, her voice containing sadness that was not typical of Love.

Raven could say nothing to that. She reluctantly admitted that what her Lilac emoticlone said had made some sort of logical sense. Raven's emoticlones represented different facets of her personality. Or in her case, her long-dead personality. Love could not exist if Raven herself did not feel love.

"Hello, Rae."

The familiar voice brought the half-demon out of her internal debate with Love.

"Garfield," she acknowledged, "Should you not be with your bride?"

"She'll survive a few minutes without me," the green changeling said, "I wanted to talk to you for a while."

He tried to meet her amethyst eyes, blushed and looked away embarrassedly, tried again and failed, his gaze eventually landing on his own feet. Raven reached out with her empathy and felt extreme nervousness oozing from him, not that she actually needed her empathy to tell. The fact that Beastboy was awkwardly shuffling his feet around and deliberately not meeting her gaze was indication enough.

"So uh…. How have you been?" he blurted out, his brows scrunching up in obvious frustration as soon as the words left his mouth.

Definitely not what he really wanted to say, but Raven humored him nonetheless.

"Fine. You?"

"Erm, yeah…. Fine too."

An awkward silence stretched out between them.

"I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry," Garfield broke the silence with an unexpected apology.

Raven raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever for? I should be the one apologizing. I was the one who… hurt you."

The half-demon knew that hurt was an understatement. If Robin had not stopped her when he did, she could very well have committed murder. And over something as silly as petty jealousy.

"Yeah," the changeling conceded, "But I should have tried harder to fix things between us. I should have-"

"There was nothing you could have done," Raven interrupted, "And besides, it was for the best. Things turned out pretty well for you."

"Yeah, I guess," he said, not sounding quite sure of himself.

"Gar, you need to stop blaming everything on yourself," Raven told him firmly.

Garfield nodded his head. But there was still something else he wanted to say. She could see the hesitation in his emerald eyes.

"Garfield, if there's anything you want to tell me, just get it out and over with," she encouraged.

"I love you," the green changeling blurted out.

Raven's eyes widened in surprise. She definitely did not like the direction this conversation seemed to be taking. It was a very bad conversation for a man to be having with his ex on the day of his wedding to another woman.

"But-"

"I mean, I love Terra, of course I do. I wouldn't have married her if I didn't," Garfield corrected himself quickly, "But there's a part of me that's still in love with you, Rae."

Raven's mouth dropped open.

She heard Love squealing in her mindscape, and felt her carefully constructed mental barriers starting to collapse. For the first time in ten years, Raven's pulse quickened and her cheeks reddened for a boy.

Beastboy, to be exact.

'He isn't so much of a boy anymore,' Love purred appreciatively.

"I can't keep feeling this way for you, Rae," the green changeling continued, "I'm married now, and continuing to feel this for you would be wrong. So I guess, right now I'm saying goodbye."

"We've said our goodbyes ten years ago, Gar," Raven muttered, unable to stop herself from feeling the slightest pangs of disappointment.

Garfield shook his head sadly.

"But we didn't, Rae. We just sorta avoided each other until eventually, we drifted apart. We didn't even officially break up or anything," he pointed out.

"I guess you're right," Raven admitted.

The changeling took a step closer to the half-demon, while the latter eyed him warily. He held up his hands in a placating gesture.

"Don't throw me into a wall or anything, okay?" he pleaded.

"Why would I-"

Raven was interrupted midsentence when she felt his strong arms encircling her body in a tight embrace. She sighed contentedly. How long had it been since she had last felt like this? Tentatively she wrapped her arms around him, rubbing comforting circles on his back.

Perhaps she was caught up in the moment, or perhaps holding back her emotions, especially Love, for so long was finally taking its toll on her, but the next words out of her mouth came before she could stop herself.

"I'm still in love with you too."

Raven knew the moment she uttered those words that they were true. She wondered why it had taken her so long to figure out something so simple, so obvious.

She felt his muscles harden against her body and knew that he was tensing up. He gently pushed her away, ending the embrace. Raven heard Love protesting at the sudden loss of contact with the green changeling. She also felt with striking clarity the return of Timid, Happy and Pain respectfully. It seemed as if this was the end of her mental barriers. Her emotions were returning to Nevermore.

"I-"

Raven placed a finger on his lips.

"I know, Gar."

And she did know. She could see the regret in his eyes and knew immediately what he was thinking about.

What would have happened if they had fought to stay together ten years ago? What would have happened had they not drifted apart? Would they have had their happy ending?

But they would never know the answer to all of that now. Their time had come and gone. It was time to move on. No matter how much it would hurt, she would be strong for him, always for him. She would let him have his shot at happiness even if it meant she never found her own.

"What's past is past. There's nothing either you or I can do about it. Don't waste your life trying to get back what's been lost," she said, her tone managing to sound soft yet commanding at the same time.

Garfield nodded, accepting what she said. He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Raven did not stop him. They both knew what it was.

A goodbye kiss.

Nothing more, nothing less.

"Take care of yourself, Rae."

"I will. You too, Gar."

They were two people who loved each other, unconditionally and irrevocably. They were two people who regretted doing too little for the other. They were two people who knew beyond a shadow of doubt that it was impossible for them to be together anymore. And so they parted ways without complaint, each wishing the other nothing but happiness, even though it was not to be happiness found in each other's arms.

They both loved each other too much to let their love become poison.


End file.
